Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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