only you would photoshop your dick
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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