I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
