I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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