I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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