At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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