member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
