god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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