my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
