Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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