Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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