U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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