Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
