Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
