Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
