walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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