It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
