either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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