just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So squirting runs in the family.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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