Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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