happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think a kid would responsible me up
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
