I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
