How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ttyl tear gas
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
