I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
