By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
