I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
