the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
