peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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