Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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