I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
