What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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