just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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