You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
