i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
