Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
