Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
