if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
