The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
