There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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