I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
