Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
