i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
did i walk over a car last night?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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