He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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