I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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