the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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