I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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