haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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