i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She bit a glass in half.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
