i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
