did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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