Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
this boner is exhausting
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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